So, is this clearing? I’m not even doing ONLY juice yet, just adding 3 green juices a day…BUT, something is definitely going on with me emotionally…
All along, but especially the last few days my emotions are definitely more volatile than my “normal”…not that my normal is good…just normal to me…I’d say that in the last six months the primary negative emotions I’d recognize would be a tendency to depression that wasn’t there before coming back to Florida and anxiety that also wasn’t there before then, but that did start still in Minnesota…once I knew I was coming here basically. But, very unlike me – most of the time I didn’t really feel anything at all. Just like emotions were neutral or off most of the time.
Right now, I’d say there has been less depression by far (though there are still moments – almost like it is just from a habit of thinking I’ve developed), overall there is less anxiety, but when something does trigger it, it feels more sudden and stronger…but like the “moments” of depression, it doesn’t last and is over quite quickly…
However, as I’ve been juicing I have noticed that I have a lot of anger. It pops up and it wants to be heard, it isn’t polite and it doesn’t go away quickly. Every shade of anger has come to see me this week. It is like I can feel it come up and out…sometimes I can even catch what it was…because snips of memories or random thoughts from things and people I haven’t thought about in years and would have no reason to suddenly come to mind come up…and go pretty much as quickly as I can process what that thought, feeling or image was in the first place…but the anger they bring with them (even at things that aren’t “bad” memories or thoughts) that anger lingers. It is quite surreal actually. Sometimes I can even feel a place in my body, a spot of pain or soreness where that was stored in my physical body.
I even blew up at M who has been being a butt and purposely not helping at the house- even when my back was out and I couldn’t bend and walk for three days-and yelled myself hoarse. I was so mad, I was standing across the room and shaking I was so angry with him. I don’t let myself blow up or get mad like that. I did walk away to cool off, went to the gym to swim my mad out…the physical activity helped, but my mad was bigger than my physical body could burn for fuel all at once.
In a physical sense…stuff is going on too…cruddy eyes in the morning…my face is even more red and bumpy patches (rosacea) and intermittently I’ve been retaining water I can see in my ankles being a bit swollen and my wrists sometimes too…that last might worry me more, except in between when they go down my ankles and wrists are smaller than they’ve been in years- even when I didn’t weigh as much.
Energy-wise I’m all over the place…some days I have more energy than I can remember having since I was a kid…other days I’m tired or cranky…not getting as much done as I’d wish…
A lot of stuff…I’ve been consistently exercising, consistently juicing…not always within my calorie range though so some of that exercise is wasted for weight loss purposes. Despite all this negative emotion stuff, there were hours, a half day or so where I felt a deeper peace and inner content than I’ve felt in a long, long time. It isn’t the same as feeling happy or energetic…and it is much more powerful for it.
theorganicconversion 
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